Cycling to work – Is it for you?
With transport in most of the county being an absolute joke (I paid nearly £24 quid to travel one way by train from Titshampton to West Clunts and I literally had to sit on the drivers lap – not that he minded, the filthy git) there’s been a massive rise in cycling to work.
But with hair, make-up, shoes, nails and underwear now more important in the workplace than ever, the go-getting, high-flying sexy lady of today must ask herself – is it really for me?
Let’s take a look at the pros and cons.
You’re first problem is seat rash. No girl wants to be walking around the office looking like she spent all night in a hostal with 10 sailors. But sticking your lovely soft bottom on a seat that looks like a plastic razor blade is inevitably going to cause some irritation to the skin around your foo-foo.
If you do buy a bike buy one that has a very large sofa like seat. Something like this…
It’s much more feminine and won’t make your derriere feel like it’s done 15 rounds with Mike Tyson – in his prison cell.
Then there’s the outfit. What to wear. Lycra is sooooooo last decade and let’s be honest, girls, those tight pedal-pushers will highlight every micro-inch of cellulite you spend every minute trying to hide so don’t go near any sports wear.
The only realistic outfit is an A-line skirt that flares a bit at the bottom. For length, you want it to hit around the end of the calf also known as the foot. You could try a pencil, but let’s face it, you’re not Marilyn Monroe so you’ll probably just rip it and look stupid, unless you’ve mastered the circus trick of riding side-saddle.
In fact, the Victorians had it right all along and those ladies really knew how to rock the cycling to work look. Although to be fair, they weren’t allowed to work (or vote) but they still look hot.
Sadly the law demands that everyone (even sexy ladies) wears a helmet. Let’s be honest, chicas, there is literally nothing less sexy. Except perhaps a naked man in socks.
But I think I’ve found one that you can tolerate and perhaps even be excited to wear. Basically, wearing the ugly thing is going to ruin your hair so this helmet has a clever ‘it’s my own hair’ look.
Tres chic! They come in a variety of styles and colours as long as it’s short, brown and helmet-like.
And who doesn’t want to look like Emma Watson?
Then there’s turning up to the office looking like a sweaty Betty.
Assuming you don’t work in a hotel that has a nice hot shower in an empty room, the chances are you’ll have to go to the ladies and change in a cramped cubicle. How attractive? And then share the mirror with 3 other bitches as you try to put your poor hair back into place.
And even, worse – you’ll probably get spotted by the nicer looking men on the way to toilet.
And let’s be honest, girls, there’s nothing worse than a handsome man looking at your perfectly pert ass and then spotting a massive wet stain going down the crack.
I mean, it’s ok for Dutch girls to go cycling about the place. They’re all 7ft tall and don’t have to cycle up any hills so they hardly even break a sweat.
Baby wipes just won’t cut it.
* The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of Accolade Recruitment only and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other Recruitment agency or the Department of Employment. Any examples of analysis or case-studies discussed within this article should only be utilized in real-world situations at the candidate’s risk as they are based on often limited and debatable source information.