Fallen out of love with your career? You should become a Bailiff!
What do they get up to?
Bailiffs, or Debt Collectors, visit people’s homes to collect debts. If the money owed can’t be paid back they may also reclaim property like iPhones , TVs or porn DVDs, or even evict tenants forcibly in extreme (well, most) situations.
There are two types of Bailiff: council-appointed pencil necks who carry a clip-board and do a lot of threatening, and Freelancers, who are going to collect that money or won’t leave without getting something on behalf of their clients.
Although the tasks they carry out are officially the same, you definitely don’t want to meet the latter type when recovering from a massive benefits-paid bender.
Typical day-to-day duties for a Bailiff may include:
• Contacting debtors to ask for payment
• Visiting debtors homes at about 6am and banging very VERY loudly when they haven’t responded
• Offering financial tips, and ‘suggestions’ for repayment
• Serving summonses (or a kicking)
• Seizing goods and property for those who can’t make payments
• Arranging for this confiscated property to be sold at auction (if they haven’t already taken the good stuff)
Is it right for me though?
In order to become a Bailiff, confidence, conviction and strength of character are absolutely essential.
As are having been either hated by everyone as a child and adult and have a massive chip on your weedy shoulders and/or are simply stupid, have been in jail and now can’t get a proper job but at least you can fight.
You may often be viewed negatively by members of the public (and non-members) for carrying out your orders, so being able to deal with – and cause – difficult situations is all part and parcel of the job.
Similarly, as the people you encounter may easily become angry or upset, the ability to talk with – or punch – people from all different walks of life should be seen as a prerequisite.
Other important attributes for a Bailiff include:
• Lack of tact
• An in-depth understanding of the law – and how to break it
• A vague idea of what things like TVs and iPhones are worth second hand
• Excellent kick-boxing skills
• Physical strength (and lack of mental strength)
Come on, what’s it really like?
“I get a lot of stick from my friends for what I do – for some of them it’s right up there with Traffic Warden and Tax man as one of the most hated jobs you can do. But we do much more to help people than we’re given credit for, even giving them loans (at a very competitive 87% APR to be repaid at on Giro day). And there are some aspects I enjoy more than others, of course, like punching old people and kids in the face but as long as you’re fair and treat everyone equally badly, it can be really rewarding.” – Willie Fister.
There are no formal qualifications needed to become a Bailiff, however, you will need a Bailiff General Certificate before you get started.
There is no study involved for this certification but if you send a photo of yourself to Accolade beating someone up and taking away a household item like a music centre or Playstation from them then that should do the trick.