Do you like horseracing? Do you want to be a part of the action? Do you also like equine genitalia?
Then this could be the position for you. A ‘Horse Glover’ is a traditional role used in the Horseracing industry since the 1780s and is vital to the business.
Without Glovers horse races were often abandoned due to horses either getting too excited and shitting themselves or being a bit depressed and not even bothering to get out of the traps.
So what is a ‘Horse Glover’?
Well, being trapped in a cramped metal box with a noisy, drunk crowd and a small Irish man on its back isn’t exactly what horsey had in mind when he woke up that morning.
So he might get a bit uppity and start arsing about and ‘neigh’-saying and with so much money riding on the outcome, that simply won’t do.
To calm the horse down a ‘Horse Glover’ must be on hand (no pun intended) to put on a pair of white gloves (like you see on Snooker referees and butlers) and gently rub its testicles (or clitoris if it’s a lady horse) until it feels much happier (if you get my drift.. cough, cough) and ready to race.* So if you’re prepared to join a fast-paced, deadline oriented team where good fingering skills are vital, then send your CV to Ophelia Sachs and Patrick Fitzbottom.
*Note that due to this masturbation technique some gloves might get a bit stained at this point, so a back-up pair will be provided. And a gas mask.