I’m fan of 70s supergroup, Smokey, in my mid-50s. I’ve always been a massive fan of the song ‘Living Next Door To Alice’ and for the past 35 years have been searching for a woman called Alice, mainly in the Cluntshire region, with no success.
Since I now own a company called Luxury Shed Beds (Where Camping meets Housing), I now have a free ‘next door’ area (shed with bed) for a woman (or girl above legal age) called Alice.
When sending your CV, please attach a photocopy of your birth certificate with the name ‘Alice’ clearly highlighted.
And make sure you learn these lyrics for the interview:
“ME: Oh, I don’t know why she’s leaving,
Or where she’s gonna go,
I guess she’s got her reasons,
But I just don’t want to know,
‘Cos for twenty-four years
I’ve been living next door to Alice.
Twenty-four years just waiting for a chance,
To tell her how I feel, and maybe get a second glance,
Now I’ve got to get used to not living next door to Alice…
YOU: Alice? Alice? Who the F**k is Alice?!
Previous People Not Called Alice Not Re-apply
P.s I also like ‘Lucille’ by Kenny Rogers so if that’s your name, feel free to apply too.
For more details please contact Seymour Snatch.
With the concept of ‘Glamping’ now fully entrenched in the heart of British culture, Cluntshire furniture specialists Luxury Shed Beds have taken the concept of alfresco sleeping to a whole new level. Why bother with a tent when you can load your mobile shed bed on to a car roof-rack and spend wonderful weekends in the wilds of Wartshire, Wanglesea or West Clunts? Each shed bed also comes with a spare toilet roll and child’s alarm clock.